Monthly Archives: February 2015

double ugh

The last thing the world needs is public displays of my stream-of-conscious writing but it’s the third and once again I haven’t written.

I could write about how I am being forced from my home because it isn’t zoned for us, even those I asked the landlord specifically if it was zoned for the three of us and he said yes, no problem. (Did anyone else read that in an Arabic accent? No? Just me?). But then everyone would get worked up and pity me and as much as I love being pitied, I want you all to save your energy.

All you need to know about the last two days is that the city that hired me to work for them has also betrayed me. But as Tess pointed out that basically makes me Batman.

But I will issue this WORD OF CAUTION. Most Provo landlords suck. Be careful what they don’t tell you or what’s in the fine print and also you will straight-up get lied to.

I could talk about all the ways guys have it easier than girls using only examples from the last two days of my life: Birth control pills. Peeing in a cup. Wedding dresses. Heels. Price of swimwear.

And I could write more but for some reason instead of writing I just read about 25 celebrities who don’t drink…and by read, I mean scrolled through their photos.

I want to be friends with Blake Lively.


It’s Day 2 and I already want to give up. I’m the weakest.

It’s Groundhog Day so I’ll make a list of topics I could talk about over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Nah, forget it, I’ll just do that tomorrow.

Feb 1 is the new Jan 1

Hi, it’s me. I got engaged and fell off the face of the planet–you were expecting that, weren’t you?

Ugh, so cliche.

So I decided a couple weeks ago that I would officially start my New Year’s Resolutions on February 1st because it seems like a good starting point. Why should January have all the fun? And I’m sure the gyms are less crowded now.

One of my big goals was to write everyday. Here. And it is now 18 minutes until February 2nd and I have nothing.

I could fill you in on all the things you missed from last month like…

  • How I was unemployed for a month–fun ends tomorrow so that’s over.
  • How I felt about Selma —It’s black history month so I can slip that in still.
  • How I feel about 50 Shades of Grey –that one hasn’t come out yet so there’s still time to express those feelings.
  • I still wear leggings.
  • I sorta wanted the Seahawks to win.
  • How much I loved Treat Yo’self 2017 and the rest of the last season so far.
  • How I didn’t meet Mindy Kaling but had an intimate conversation with her tinted window (I’m saving that for some day when I’m on a talk show and need an embarrassing celebrity story to recount).
  • Wedding planning…and how it’s exactly like making a movie.
  • The two movies I saw (and loved) at Sundance.
  • How I got viruses trying to steam the Bachelor and other moments I’m not proud of.
  • A well-thought out feminist rant about the new Ghostbusters–I’m sorry but how can it not be brilliant with those ladies and Paul Feig?
  • How I can’t believe that Hershey’s would do such a thing to America.
  • How I fell in love with a single beauty product…the boar bristle brush.
  • Legal Scamming*: How I’ve gotten clothes for way less $$ than they are worth.
  • *I guess the kids would call that a Life-Hack and other ways I’m out-of-touch.
  • How I fell in love with Master Chef Jr: And other residual side effects of watching television for a job.
  • Registering for My Wedding: Please Someone Get Me a Roomba.
  • Give Ava an Oscar.
  • Someone Please Take This Cat Off My Hands.
  • Please Someone Find Me a Home that Allows Cats.
  • “You can’t just keep faking your death through life” and other lessons learned from NBC’s Marry Me.
  • Someone Should Hire Me to Be a Life Coach.
  • Reality Shows That Make Me Cry.
  • Whenever Landslide Comes on I Cannot Not Listen.
  • I’m Getting Married on the (Pitch) Perfect Day.
  • Why You Should Say Yes More
  • Why You Should Say No More
  • Tai Pan Trading: Where Everything Has Fake Rust On It and I Still Want It.
  • Things I Would Do For Money.
  • High School Musical’s Legitimate and Meaningful Affect on the World
  • Facebook Posts I Wanted To Troll But Didn’t.

It’s 11:59 so you get no conclusion.

See you tomorrow!