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Dear Daughters

I don’t know if I’ll ever have daughters but I’m afraid by the time I do I will have forgotten how hard it is to grow up as a girl. I often think of what I will want to tell her/them and I don’t want to forget.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Be funny. A sense of humor will help you through everything. I hope you know you can be funny. I’m assuming, since you’ll grow up in a post-Tina-Amy-Amy-Mindy-Chelsea-Melissa-Kristen-Leslie-Elizabeth-Jennifer-etc-etc world you’ll know that but I’m afraid that you won’t. Someday I’ll teach you about Lorne Michaels and Paul Feig and everything they did for us. If for some reason you’re not funny I will think about disowning you but I probably won’t actually.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

I am really excited for you to listen to Taylor Swift as you go through your teenage years. It’s too bad she didn’t do anything after her Red album.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Remind me to make a list of all the benefits of being female that I can give you the first time you get your period. It’ll probably take me thirteen years to come up with something so I’ll start working on it when you’re born.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

If I ever tell you you can’t wear something please assume I have your best interest in mind, but also feel free to remind me that I have worn the following things: knee-high bright orange boots (with a white skirt and green shirt to look like the Irish flag for St Patrick’s Day), multiple pairs of wolf leggings, trucker hats, neon colored high-tops, striped sequined pants, and worse.

Also, feel free to remind me that I often said Miley Cyrus should be admired for her unapologetic forms of self-expression.

But please never dress like Miley Cyrus did in 2015.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

You can take your husband’s last name if you want to.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

There’s no such thing as a sensible career, only the career you love and the career you love to work hard at.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

If someone is touching you in a way you don’t like I want you to tell them to stop. If they don’t stop immediately I want you to punch them in the face. We’ll deal with the consequences later.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

You’ll only be 1/8 Syrian but I want you to know that you come from a heritage of strong and brave people. Maybe you’ll be able to tan well. I’m excited that you might get a chance to grow up around Syrian people as more of them are immigrating to America.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Please don’t read my journals until I’m dead.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Forgive me because I’ll probably name you something other kids will make fun of but at least you won’t have to have your last initial  on your name tag.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Don’t tell the other kids you know Santa’s not real…or at least break it to them gently.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Try not to fall for guys who spend more on jeans than you do.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

When I was a teenager the only person I’d cry in front of was my mom. I hope you’re not as emotionally stunted as I was but it’s okay if you are. I’ll be there for you when your heart gets broken. I will always believe you can be anything you want to be. I will defend you.

I’ve had my heart broken by boys, friends, teachers, and other people I trusted not to let me down and you will too. I will probably say something like “life’s tough but your tougher” or “just get over it” but it’s okay if you tell me you don’t want to hear it. We can just cry and eat grilled cheese and french fries together or over the phone.

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Never pay full price for anything.

 

 

Dear Daughter(s),

Hermione was the real hero.

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