Disclaimer: I know having a dog is not the same as having a child. They’re cheaper, you can leave them home for hours unsupervised, you only have to feed them 1-2 times a day, etc. So I chose to post this the week after human Mother’s Day.

How Owning a Dog is Practice for Children: I Now Know the Following Things Firsthand

1. My husband will not wake up to the sounds of puking, crying, projectile diarrhea-ing, or even barking. But I will. So I now know what to expect should we bring an infant home.

2. When you’re with a small creature that is about to throwup, you may think running out the door or for a trash can will lessen the situation but it will only result in vomit being spread to a larger area. 

3. If you take your small creature to the parade they will insist on being lifted up so they can see what’s going on. Especially horses.

4. Your resolve to not share your bed with anyone but your spouse may change.

And you may have to make sure you don’t get replaced.

5. It’s much more fun dressing them than it is dressing yourself. 

6. Sometimes giving them a hug is the most torturous thing you could possible do.

7. Doing something on the computer “real quick” is not the experience it once was.

8. They won’t pick up their toys without special training, but they will be able to spread them throughout the house without help.

9. If you always intervene they’ll never learn. 

10. They’ll always be more excited to see their friends than to see you.

11. Usually you’re there for them, but sometimes they’ll be there for you.

12. One look at their face and you’ll forget why you’re mad at them. 

Last, and this is just a piece of advice, get them after their potty-trained.